**Dear Care and Feeding,**
My parents are aging and live in a beautiful paid-off home in a very desirable town. I have one brother. We’re both in our 30s, and we’re close—we’ve always been friends. But recently, the topic has been coming up of what happens with my parents’ home when they are no longer living in it. They have been wishy-washy about their wishes in their will.
My brother lives in our hometown where the house in question is located; he has no children and is unmarried. I have relocated to an equally desirable and expensive town north of where we grew up, am married, and have one small child (17 months old). I own my home, and we have a mortgage with a high interest rate. My brother is renting from a friend but has recently gotten approved for a home loan and is looking to buy a home in our hometown.
I have assumed the fair thing to do would be to sell the house and split the value of the house down the middle. It is a beautiful home full of happy memories, but it deserves to have a family grow there just as we have over the last 30 years, in my opinion!
But during our last visit, my brother told me he doesn’t plan to sell the house; he wants to keep it. He does not feel that he should have to buy me out. He said he does not plan to live in it or raise a family there. In fact, he didn’t say exactly what his plan would be for the property.
I was shocked. He was very adamant that he is entitled to the house. I love my brother and don’t want this to put a wedge between us, but I have my own family and mortgage to look out for and we both lived there 30 years.
Assuming my parents leave us both the house in equal portions, how do I navigate this scenario and get what is left to me? Do I need a lawyer? If he refuses to sell, do I have to wait until he is ready? What happens in the meantime?
I’ll mention there is $4 million dollars in a generational skipping trust that I utilized for the $150,000 down payment on my home. My brother intends to do the same when he buys his home, hopefully within the next few months. I don’t know if that is relevant but figured I’d mention it.
—Love My Entitled Brother But Want What’s Rightfully Mine
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**Dear Love My Entitled Brother,**
Before this becomes a legal battle, ask your brother one critical question: Why does he want to keep the house if he’s not planning to live in it or raise a family there? Is this about sentiment? Control? Investment? The fact that he won’t articulate a plan is telling.
Is he thinking of renting it out? Using it as a vacation property? Just having it? Understanding his motivation matters because if this is about emotion rather than logic, you might be able to find common ground by opening up a conversation around his feelings rather than the value of the property.
Your next step is to talk to your parents because, and this is key, they’re still alive and can control how this plays out. They may not be aware of your brother’s attachment to the house or the fact that you two are already talking about who gets what after they’re gone.
Now is the time to nail down what they want to do with their assets. They may seem wishy-washy about the house because they don’t care what happens to it after they die. Or, they want to leave that decision to you both, or to the executor of their estates (if that isn’t you or your brother).
Here’s one potential solution you may not have considered: Your parents could structure their estate plan so your brother inherits the house and you receive an equivalent value in other assets — stock, trust distributions, cash, whatever. If the house is worth, say, $1.5 million, you’d get $1.5 million in other assets.
But this only works if your parents design it that way in their will and trust documents. Which brings up another topic: their estate plan and how the assets (house, accounts, cars, etc.) are titled. You should have a direct conversation with them now to discuss where everything is and how it is being held.
At that time, you can tell them your brother wants to keep the house and ask them to work with their estate planning attorney to structure the inheritance fairly. If they want your brother to have the house, great—but if the goal is to divide their assets equally between you, they need to ensure you receive equivalent value from other assets.
If your parents don’t plan ahead and instead leave the house to both of you as equal co-owners, then your brother has three legal options:
1. Buy you out at fair market value with his own money.
2. Agree to sell and split proceeds.
3. Face a partition lawsuit where a court forces the sale.
He cannot simply keep it without compensating you.
You might want to have a clarifying conversation with an estate planning attorney (even your parents’ estate attorney) to understand how it will work. Your brother may feel “entitled” to the house, but without your parents structuring the estate appropriately, his feelings don’t override property law or probate court.
While you love your brother, inheriting money can change people and their relationships. Work to resolve these issues now, while your parents are alive, so you preserve your relationships once they’re gone.
—Ilyce Classic Prudie
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**Additional Note from Classic Prudie**
My husband and I have been married for three years. We have a 4-year-old son and 16-month-old twins. I have four older children. My husband was briefly married once before me; I was previously married for 12 years. We were both going through our divorces around the same time, messed around, and got pregnant. We hadn’t planned on anything serious, but we gave it a shot and ended up falling in love.
Early in our relationship, I shared something vulnerable with him: I got pregnant with my oldest at 16, and I never told her birth father.
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*If you have questions about money, family, or estate planning, submit them to Pay Dirt, Slate’s money advice column.*
https://slate.com/advice/2025/11/money-advice-parents-house-split.html?via=rss