After wiping my tears on the drive home and adjusting to the quiet of my house, I was surprised by what lingered. Naturally, I missed my kids when they left for college, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of helplessness. My two oldest children are now away at college, and my youngest is preparing to leave the nest in a year.
Now, there’s nothing for me to do. They no longer need me in the same way they once did, and finding my place has been challenging. I answer calls and texts, but I want to feel a sense of closeness to them. There’s a fine line between connecting and hovering. Thankfully, I know showing up at their door unannounced isn’t the best idea—at least not if I want to maintain a relationship.
But how can I let them know how loved they are without hovering over them? And how could I overcome the restless, helpless feeling that lingers?
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### It All Started with a Food Delivery Gone Wrong
I sent my daughter cookies through the mail. For my oldest daughter, I was beside myself that she wouldn’t be home for our traditional First Day of School Cookies. Her brother and sister would be here, but she would miss out. I quickly got to work baking and packaging cookies to send express mail to her at school. She would love it, I thought. I eagerly awaited her heartfelt reaction.
The only problem was that the cookies took a roundabout route across the country. They arrived a week late and were a crumbled, stale mess by the time she got them. Lesson learned.
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### Food is Always a Welcome Delivery for My College Kids
Now, I send food more reliably and save the homemade cookies for when my kids are home. That’s why I go to the professionals. Having a company send treats is a much better way to ensure my kids get something delicious.
I now send Bang Cookies, and my college kids love them. Whether it’s cookies, ice cream, or even a full meal, I’ve found great options online. A surprise local delivery is also a fun option. I’ve sent a pizza or other treats from someplace near their school, which is an appreciated boost for late-night studying or just hanging out with friends.
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### Sometimes I Send the Necessities
While the surprise food treats are fun, sometimes a box of necessities is a welcome delivery. Sites like Amazon, Walmart, and Target make it easy to send essentials.
This isn’t about curated, Instagram-worthy care packages. This is a quick and easy “Add-to-Cart” package that ships directly to my students. The things I send are usually an eclectic mix: beef jerky, hair products, extra pens and notebooks, and laundry detergent. I always add a favorite candy or beverage.
These packages remind them that I love them in practical ways, even when they’re far from home. Plus, it helps me feel like I can still take care of them a little bit without having to swoop in.
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### The Most Important Thing I Do Is Send Encouraging Messages
I have to resist texting my kids too much. This is a time for them to grow into their independence, after all. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t reach out occasionally.
Instead of waiting for long video chats where they tell me everything about their day, I send random encouraging texts with zero expectations. The lack of expectation is the key to this working. These texts aren’t bait to hook them into a long back-and-forth. They are simple statements that come to mind when I think of them, but not every single day. That would definitely fall in the hovering category.
Instead, I send a random “I’m proud of you” or “Good night.” Texts like these go a long way, even if my kids don’t show it. I can remind them how loved they are, and that they always have family to support them.
It’s a simple thing that makes me feel connected to my college kids without overwhelming them.
https://www.businessinsider.com/parenting-how-i-stay-connected-college-kids-2025-11