Even more devastating for Gerry Turner than losing his high school sweetheart, Toni—mother to his daughters Jenny Young and Angie Warner—to a bacterial infection mere weeks after they moved into their dream lakefront home in 2017, was his discovery weeks after her death that she’d been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.
“My mind reeled with what-ifs,” he detailed in his 2025 memoir *Golden Years: What I’ve Learned From Love, Loss, and Reality TV*. “Untreated or unmanaged diabetes stresses the body, particularly the kidneys. Had Toni had the means to live longer, but been undone in the end by the belief that any kind of whining was frivolous? Had I somehow contributed to this mentality? Why hadn’t she felt comfortable confiding in me about something as important as having diabetes?”
Though he couldn’t bear to remain in the Indiana home they chose together, he hung a photo featuring his bride of 43 years in the walk-in closet of his new spread “so every morning when I get dressed, I’m greeted by a glamour shot of her.”
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He also took issue with a 2023 piece in *The Hollywood Reporter* that outlined his various post-retirement odd jobs and romances he hadn’t disclosed on *The Golden Bachelor*, where he had claimed he hadn’t dated in over four decades.
“There was one detail the story got right,” he acknowledged in his book. “I had met the woman on the receiving line at Toni’s funeral.”
Going on to date and even live with the unnamed girlfriend, Gerry shared, “We had a connection, but I pursued a relationship far too quickly. Even if I had been in a good headspace, which I wasn’t, I hadn’t dated since I was 18! That alone should have been a cue to take things slowly. I took the opposite course.”
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The eventual *Golden Bachelorette* Joan Vassos’ decision to leave the show as her daughter dealt with postpartum struggles remained a thorn in Gerry’s side. While he respected her choice, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t crushed,” he admitted. “Here was a woman I really thought could be the One. It was very, very deflating.”
Months after her dramatic exit, Joan shipped him a copy of an Annie Leibovitz coffee table book he’d admired during their one-on-one. So, yes, there was a piece of him hoping he could still be in the picture.
But when he visited her as she handed out the roses, “I was happy Joan felt positive about how her journey was going,” he wrote, “but I was also a little sad for myself, as a small piece of my heart remained with her.”
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As the lead, Gerry had the toughest time ending Ellen Goltzer’s journey. Ahead of his hometown dates, he called keeping Faith Martin and Leslie Fhima a “no-brainer,” but his “real soul-crushing decision” was between the retired teacher Ellen and his eventual bride, Theresa Nist.
“Both were pleasant and positive,” he detailed. “Neither had any red flags. I could imagine either being a wonderful partner.”
Sleep-deprived and facing a deadline, he decided it was time for Ellen to say her goodbyes.
“I couldn’t give a better reason for sending her home than a sense that we didn’t have the chemistry necessary to become a fully romantic couple,” he explained. “I wasn’t sure if Theresa was my person either, but I was more sure that Ellen wasn’t.”
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With eventual runner-up Leslie, Gerry “felt only excitement,” he wrote. But at points, he worried that the onetime Prince paramour’s lifestyle was much too fast.
Struggling to decide if it was Leslie or Theresa he wanted to see in the “purple rain,” he began to think that the Minnesota-based fitness instructor’s two divorces “indicated fundamental differences in our definitions of commitment that would prove problematic down the line.”
Compared to Theresa’s devotion to her late husband, it was a red flag—but now, he acknowledged, “I look back and think this was a Gerry problem of confidence, not a Leslie problem of commitment.”
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He never meant to cause Leslie or Faith any sorrow or pain, but he does regret telling both that he loved them during their hometown dates.
“When I said those words to Leslie and Faith, I wholeheartedly meant them,” he explained. But in hindsight, he feels to truly love someone “you must give yourself completely and without reservation to that person, and that person alone. I felt unfaithful to both Faith and Leslie. This is a burden I still carry today.”
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Host Jesse Palmer’s invitation to stay as a couple in the fantasy suites solidified Gerry’s thoughts on Theresa. Discussing their vision of the future and her plans to retire from her job in finance, he wrote, “I believed that based on everything I was learning from Theresa, I had found the woman I couldn’t live without.”
But his decision to offer the final rose to the New Jersey resident was certainly a thorny one.
“When my logical side took over, Theresa was my top choice,” he detailed in his memoir. “But when my heart clamored for a voice, Leslie became a true contender. Leslie or Theresa. Theresa or Leslie. I was pulled in two very different directions. My struggle was with safe and familiar versus exciting but risky.”
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Gerry and Theresa celebrated their Costa Rican engagement with a room service feast, a meal that reminded Gerry “Theresa was everything I was looking for in a partner: sunny, considerate, and warm.”
But back in their individual homes, when he could no longer steal her for a sec, they struggled.
“I didn’t want to admit it, but I found conversations with her difficult,” he wrote of their nightly calls. “Her tone and delivery were the same whether she was talking about a problem at work or about picking up her morning smoothie.”
When they met up for a secret getaway in New York City, it was tough to find the right recipe for love. With Theresa in charge of requesting groceries for the stay, he learned she adhered to a strict, sugar-free diet—something Gerry wasn’t all too sweet on.
“Fish and salad, that was pretty much it,” he detailed. “When I asked her about groceries that would give me fuel, she replied, ‘I never eat anything like that.’”
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Admittedly, Gerry wasn’t one to keep up with the Kardashians. Invited to dinner at Kris Jenner’s manse post-show, “I wasn’t the least bit nervous about the evening at their mansion, mostly because I didn’t know the first thing about the Kardashians,” he admitted.
“In my blissful ignorance, I suggested to the production person driving me to dinner that maybe the family was riding our coattails. The young man looked at me like I had three eyes.”
Throughout the evening, he chatted with Kendall Jenner’s then-boyfriend Bad Bunny and even spoke with Kris Jenner about hearing aids. But when it came to Kendall’s claims that he was flirting with her mom, he was not all ears.
“That’s inaccurate,” he insisted. “I was just drawn into her sphere of influence so quickly.”
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Though every rose has its thorn, Gerry’s relationship with Theresa was simply filled with prickles.
Among the sorest spots was Theresa claiming in the fantasy suite that she was ready to stop working, only to later tell him that she’d like another year to build up her retirement fund.
“I was a little resentful because her economic situation wasn’t at all what she had described on the show,” wrote Gerry, “leaving me to wonder what else I had misunderstood, or she had misrepresented.”
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He also grew frustrated with her daily $12 breakfast smoothie and the fact that she didn’t cook much, saying, “Conservatively, four or five of her dinners a week were in a restaurant or takeout.”
With him not feeling at home in New Jersey and her not finding fun on the farms of Indiana (according to Gerry, she told him, “There is just no way I could live here. It is so isolated”), the two intended to find a place to share in South Carolina.
But he wrote that she rejected all the homes he picked in the $800,000 to $1.25 million range, instead suggesting properties north of $4 million.
Speaking on the *Dear Shandy* podcast on November 4, 2025, Theresa admitted she didn’t love any of the houses he selected but denied his claim she tried to stretch the budget.
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Though Gerry was no longer looking at their romance through rose-colored glasses (“As it got closer and closer to our wedding date, my doubts about Theresa grew”), they continued the journey to the altar for their televised January 2024 vows.
Having overseen mediation for divorcing couples in the past, a prenuptial agreement was a must for Gerry. He overnighted the paperwork to Theresa, then got nervous as days ticked by without her filling it out.
On her *Dear Shandy* appearance, Theresa said the delay was due to her not understanding which pages of the document to return, stressing, “I told him, ‘No, I would never in a million years take your money.’”
Still, as Gerry waited to get the signed paperwork, “I began to worry she was going to run out the clock,” he admitted in his book.
While she eventually signed, the anxiety gave Gerry “the worst case of cold feet,” he said, acknowledging he began to think they should have dated longer before agreeing to forever.
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“But there was no way to stop this wedding, certainly not while saving face for myself or Theresa,” he wrote. “The only alternative was to suck it up, keep my mouth shut, and go through with it, honoring my earnest commitment to give 100 percent to make our marriage a happy one.”
Admittedly, Gerry’s feet were still feeling quite icy when he shared a chat with his first impression rose recipient Faith at the rehearsal dinner.
“Sitting there, I poured my heart out to her,” he detailed. “‘Going through with this wedding is the wrong thing to do,’ I said. ‘I wish I wasn’t where I am, but I have no way out. I’m completely trapped.’”
Faith poked a finger into his chest and said, “What the hell are you doing? If you know in your heart this isn’t right, why are you going forward with it? That isn’t you.”
And yet it was.
While Faith reminded him he didn’t have to walk down the aisle, “My need to please everyone, ingrained in me from childhood, was too strong to release its destructive grip,” he explained of why he still decided to exchange those vows.
“I could not let down my girls, Theresa’s family, the cast who had traveled for the event, and everyone who had worked relentlessly to put on a magical wedding. Most of all, I couldn’t let down Theresa, whom I still loved dearly even as I worried about the pace of our relationship.”
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Though, if you ask her, she’d rather have been a jilted bride than a divorcée.
“It makes me very sad to think that he felt empty and trapped,” she told *Us Weekly*. “I wish he had said something and just ended it.”
Once Gerry and Theresa were married, she showed no sign that she’d like to stay together as a couple in any sort of fantasy suite.
Visiting her in New Jersey a week after their vows, he admittedly “felt like a trespasser in her home, like I didn’t belong.”
It was a sensation that only grew when she asked him to sleep on the sofa as she had a big day of work the next morning.
“‘Yeah, no problem’ were the words that came out of my mouth,” he detailed, “but I was really thinking, ‘Why? We’re married!’”
Theresa recalled the moment differently on *Dear Shandy*, saying they did share a space that first night but that she tossed and turned all night as it had been so long since she’d slept beside someone.
“He said, ‘Oh, I can sleep on the couch if you want me to,’” she recounted. “He offered to sleep on the couch. I did not ask him to sleep on the couch.”
Either way, he remained confined to the couch for three nights, making the return drive to Indiana a day early.
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Noted Gerry, “Once again, this was a very different Theresa from the woman I’d encountered in Costa Rica. At the resort, her behavior regarding intimacy was comfortable, even forward. When we returned to the States, she ignored opportunities for intimacy.”
Though Gerry’s daughters agreed he was pursuing a divorce for the right reasons, he still struggled with his decision.
Mostly, he felt like a disappointment, sharing, “I didn’t read people nearly as well as I thought I did. I’d rushed into a wedding that I didn’t believe in. These thoughts went round and round in my head. Failure after failure after failure. I was in a very dark place.”
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Those feelings were only compounded by his decision to read through the headlines surrounding the split.
“Although I refused to defend myself publicly,” Gerry wrote, he thought Theresa “could have stepped in to correct some of the more egregious lies. She could have stated that I was financially stable and that our split was mutual.”
At his lowest moment, “I did not even want to get out of bed,” he revealed.
One night, while staring up at the ceiling, “It all became too much,” said Gerry, “and for the briefest of moments, I thought about putting a gun to my head. Just as quickly, though, I thought of Jenny and Angie. I could never do that to my daughters, but I don’t believe I truly wanted to kill myself. My suicidal thoughts were more an expression of my desire to disappear. I was used to having a marathon mentality whereby I could endure any kind of pain for a time because I knew it would eventually go away. This seemed like it was never going away.”
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Two weeks after they filed for divorce, Gerry called his soon-to-be ex and asked if he could steal her for a sec.
Though he had not yet received his cancer diagnosis—a slow-growing bone marrow cancer called Waldenström’s macroglobulinemia—he filled his estranged wife in on his health journey.
“I don’t remember her response, as Theresa remained pretty quiet on the phone,” he said. “I do remember that she never called to see what was going on or how I was doing.”
In contrast, he revealed, former castmates Susan Noles and Kathy Swarts check in regularly.
As for him and Theresa, “We no longer talk,” said Gerry, “we have no reason to.”
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Had they remained together, however, Theresa noted she was well-versed in providing care as her late husband was left partially paralyzed from a stroke.
As she explained on *Dear Shandy*, “For him to say something, that anybody thinks that I wouldn’t care for my husband who got sick, that’s not me.”
Ultimately, Gerry was left wondering if Theresa signed on to *The Golden Bachelor* for the right reasons.
“The collective perspective of the women on the show probably helped me come out of my dark period more than anything else,” wrote Gerry, now engaged to Lana Sutton. “Many understood what had really happened back at the mansion, and they voiced in near unison a sense of betrayal. They understood it because they felt betrayed too.”
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One standout detail that had him wondering if Theresa was there to make friends: several women alleged that she was seen at the mansion reading a guidebook called *How to Win The Bachelor*.
“There was something about the image of Theresa curled up on one of the couches, planning her strategy to win a rose, that made me feel sick to my stomach,” Gerry wrote. “It made me think that her goal was never to find the next love of her life; it was to win.”
Really, said Theresa, her reading habits were born from pure curiosity.
“Before I went on the show, I got a free trial to Audible and one of the books on there was *How to Win The Bachelor*,” she detailed on *Dear Shandy*. “I go, ‘Whoa, somebody wrote a book on how to win *The Bachelor.*’”
She started listening but only got through the first chapter before her free trial ended, adding, “I didn’t even think about it when I went to the show. It had no bearing whatsoever on me going to the show.”
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